Reoww!!

Thursday, March 18, 2004

So this might be an overly early blog post - seeing how the quarter is not yet over. But I need to vent. Thus, I hope you will read this with a sympathetic heart, one eye closed to the cattiness - and an eternal Lid-forgiving nature anyhow. :)

As some of you might have surmised, I’m back in Kuching. Am currently working in this medium-sized law firm, with an office of my own, an ancient computer and surrounding piles of files being my only company here. The location is right in the middle of town too, which means it takes about 5 mins to reach here from my home. Which would normally be a glorified fact, except that here, they start work at frigging 8:15 a.m. Thus, even if I get to wake up like an hour later than most of the staff here (they have to contend with jams - traffic FLOW is pretty unheard of here in the mornings), it still is very much of an arse.

In the office diagonally opposite to mine sits a female lawyer hailing from Sibu. Her reputation has preceded even my first personal glances into the legal profession here - and not surprisingly too. Having hair reaching her bum (that was a coupla weeks ago - she has since shorn off the locks to a reasonable length), stick-straight and proudly bearing a really bad highlight job, she takes great pride in swinging it back and forth every time she scurries across the office (I still have yet to figure out why she can’t walk like everyone else).

One hallowed day before my first day of work here, I had a friend complaining to me bout how each time this lawyer walks into the courts most mornings, she has an irresistible urge to scrub her face - after checking her reflection off the oil slick, of course.

Little did I know that I would have the honour of working with this lady. And I understand the frustration perfectly. As far as office politics and working relations go, I can’t do much except drop hints here and there during my conversations with her (I suspect she thinks there is friendship between us).

So, ‘friend’, how do I bitch about thee? Let me count the ways:

1) Court attire here for females is staple black & white: white shirt, black skirt, court shoes, black jacket. With familiar local scenes like waitresses in sleazy Chinese restaurants bearing pretty much donning the same, you would think that one can’t go far wrong with this. But ‘friend’ still manages to amaze me; her white shirt bears suspicious yellow stains on the armpits and collar, her DENIM black skirt frays at the slit, her court shoes are sweet little Mary Janes with Velcro straps (for me to have noticed this, you can imagine how well she stuck the straps on). And with court appearances almost everyday (business is pretty good here in this firm), she seems to have only one frigging shirt.

This should not be a problem for me, I know. But I take the car with her to court some days (I’ll talk bout her car later, if I have the strength). And yesterday, after about 15 minutes of me subtly breathing through my mouth, she turns her head to me and says blithely: “Aiyor, I stink leh.” Took me helluva lot of effort to look back, smile and say: “Har, seriously?”

Halfway through the pre-discussion with the lawyer on the plaintiff’s side, she feels the need to share this realisation with me again - with the added sentence: “Got perfume or not??” Thank goodness our only spectator was this lady with a perpetual poker face. Otherwise, I fear that the inner laughter building up across the day would have erupted. :P

2) I try my utmost best not to step into her office. The one time I did, I finally resolved the suspicion surrounding the yellow stains. She -never- turns on the aircon in the office. It has a funny stench due to the resulting lack of air. That, of course, and her constant munchings. This deserves another point all by itself.

3) ‘Friend’ has an CONSTANT need to eat ‘kuaci’. EVERYDAY. Thus, I have to work with the shell-clacking noises resounding across the office. Piles of shells sit on her desk for the cleaners to clear everyday. She also feels the need to pop sweets, ‘sng boi’s and other assorted food one normally associates with pregnancy and nausea every hour on the hour.

4) She has also had the opportunity to scare the living lights out of me one time. On my way back to the office from our 1.5-hour lunch break, I was puzzled to see the hallway lights dimmed. Assuming that most of the staff had yet to return, I gaily opened the door - only to have to quickly hide my huge startle of having two white legs greeting me across the doorway, dangling mid-air. Looking inside, I saw ‘Friend’ sprawled across the sofa placed for visitors. Seeing how the chosen resting place was of sufficient length to bear her entire form comfortably, it was difficult to understand why she couldn’t have tucked her legs in, and thus save me the minor shock. Tho I must say it was a treat to startle her awake, looking bleary-eyed. J All the other clerical staff here quietly tiptoeing around her, holding in smiles for my benefit. :P

(Notice that I don’t even rant about how she can’t take a nap in the privacy of her working sauna haven, instead of sprawling across the sofa in an office where clients commonly walk in for discussions with their lawyers… I have no other explanation for this, save for the fact that I can be remarkably accommodating, as you all know. ;) )

This being my third week here, and I still can’t quite comprehend the nature of this lady. Seeing how all the other lawyers dress pretty well, with cufflinks, starched white shirts and all. But you gotta give her the respect for her utter self-comfort. And for the inner amusement she gives me, the outsider and spectator of this office.

. o O declared Lid at 9:08:00 PM